Session 4 was somewhat of an extension of session three, but this time, instead of just identifying our demons, we were to face them head-on and even think about how to approach them differently. Armed with lettered cones, a wooden speed bump and a glorious intuitive horse, we were to build and tackle our own obstacle course. This involved envisioning the shape and pattern of the course, identifying each obstacle and deciding how we wanted to approach them, which proved to be extremely interesting and unique.
I chose to set my cones in a circle with the wooden plank in the middle. I have been burdened with these issues for what seems like forever, and it’s at a point where they just seem part of me. There is no beginning and no end – it just is. So I decided to take on this circular symbol of eternal obstacles. I was able to identify four obstacle-demons before setting out with Ophelia to approach each one. Body image, negativity, envy and dissatisfaction came immediately to mind. Funny – all issues of confidence, yet confidence never seemed to get its own cone. I felt a strange pressure when identifying my burdens, which I found odd because these are things I think about freely every day. I’m no stranger to self-examination, and I like to dive deep and address every issue over and over again. Perhaps this is why I chose to weave in and out of the cones instead of going around them, taking on each one as I traveled my spherical path.
“Are you ready, Ophelia? Please help me. Let’s go.” Like two soldiers heading to battle, Ophelia and I were a team. I could feel our camaraderie. We were in this together, and I felt so lucky and comforted to have her by my side as I enthusiastically marched toward the very things that brought me so much pain and grief. As we weaved through my demons, I whispered to her, “Thank you for helping me. You’re so beautiful, and I’m so grateful for our friendship. You’re so lovely.”
While I led sweet Ophelia through my valley of emotional barriers, something magical and unexpected happened. I was overflowing with happiness and satisfaction. I could barely concentrate at all on the issues that made up our path. I was feeling so incredibly content to just be in this wonderful moment of togetherness, just Ophelia and I. It seemed to go by so quickly – too quickly. I wanted to keep moving, to keep walking, and I wanted this rare phenomenon called contentedness to last.
Returning to home base, (accompanied by my traditional celebratory “great job” kisses on Ophelia’s cheek), the ladies and I discussed my obstacles and the course I mapped out for them. I confided in them the confession of my trying childhood – being relentlessly bullied and ridiculed for my weight and how it has led me to have severe body dysmorphia my entire life. I also conveyed my chronic dissatisfaction. I don’t like always feeling dissatisfied – it seems rude and unappreciative. I even named my affliction – Chronic Dissatisfaction Syndrome (CDS). I diagnosed myself as one who suffers from it. But Ophelia has proved me wrong, as I’ve never felt so happy and content as I had that very moment …and all the other magical moments in nature with my beloved creatures. Satisfaction does exist, and I CAN feel it. I wanted to try this circular journey again. I asked the ladies and Ophelia if we could go for another round.
This time I tried to focus more on my emotional burdens and less on my exhilarated current state of happiness – but to no avail. Ophelia made me too happy to conjure sadness or evoke stress of any kind, and I whispered to her, “is it ok if I think about this later and just enjoyed being here with you right now?” Again, we weaved seamlessly through the cones, and I talked to her the entire time. I felt her listening to me, and she playfully nudged me here and there, which I loved. Returning to home base came way too quickly. Juliana asked how this round went, and I had to confess – I just enjoyed myself and couldn’t really focus on my obstacles. She thought that was just fine – in fact, it was great. A new approach and a new awareness was born. Sarah’s turn.
When the session was over, (and after we gave Ophelia some well-earned carrot treats), we went back to the office and discussed the exercise. We elaborated on our choice of obstacles and our courses – why we chose the pattern we had, what each cone represented and what thoughts came up as we traveled. We went around the table each sharing personal feelings and individual conflicts. We learned that as different as we are people, our struggles are still very similar. It’s the human condition, and we are, after all, only human.
It is very comforting to be with this group of wonderful women who are open and honest and free of judgment (of course, Ophelia included). Each of us has something to teach and each has something to learn.
Forever Autumn 